What is it that we're looking for?
Happiness?
Love?
Wealth?
Health?
Peacefulness?
Contentment?
Satisfaction?
It's all vague, and I can't put my fingers on any
Illogically, I want them all.
With hope, we gamble through life.
Nothing
is wrong in living ‘normally’; but what if you are born for the ‘extraordinary’?
When I
was a child, I was trained to be on stage. I was that kid who is always in
competitions wearing different colourful costumes. Growing up I was told to
work hard, to be the best and be successful. My mother was the biggest influence
– she was my mentor. By being in the spotlight, I believe that I will always
deserve a place where everyone would watch and admire me from afar. Indeed it
lived through teenage years, but not for long. Reality hit me when I entered a
prestigious science college, they say it’s where the ‘doctors engineers astronauts’
are born. Indeed most of my school mates did further their studies in those
expected pathway. It has been said and they are living it – no harm done. Back
then I did not shine as brightly as I used to, for the first time I was at the
bottom of the social chain. Language was not appreciated as highly as science
or mathematics subjects. Oh how I failed miserably in those, once I scored 6
out of 100%. I knew then that I don't belong in that nature. After receiving
disappointed look from my father’s eyes during SPM result, I had only one thing
in mind; I will further my studies in course that will keep me away from any
science subjects.
TESL
is not exactly something that I wanted the most, truth be told my choice were
limited as I was not exposed to other potential courses. Therefore I took up
foundation in this particular course in a local all Bumiputra university. It was easy being there; I did not receive much competition. It was a comfortable process since most of my allies were of
the same ‘work principle’ as mine; we went extra files to be recognized by the
lecturers. It paid off beautifully. At that moment I knew I was on the right
track by looking at my result. Sure, there was a minor hiccup when my personal
life started to mix with my study cocktail. Nevertheless it did not stop me
from striving even more to maintain my own standard of work. You must realise
that I am an Asian and it is normal that I take great pride in being the best.
Came
the day where I need to choose a university for my bachelor (undergraduate
studies). I remembered clearly that I told myself I need to quit being in an
all Bumiputra university; this can’t
continue on. I had my reasons and I strongly believe in it. The second forked
road I encountered; it was real than ever. Suddenly I don’t feel so sure anymore
that I want to continue in the same course. Contemplating and rethinking the decision
over and over again, I had to pick between English for Professional
Communication and TESL.
2
years has gone by, I’m still learning how to become a teacher. Funny thing is,
I am only good at learning it but not in practicing the theories. How is
teaching even done? I acquire my second language. What are the struggles of
learning it? Never was in my life that I
was trained to be proficient through grammar drills, I communicate my way to
learning English (my mother is a primary English Language teacher). I doubted
myself even more now that sooner or later I need to teach for 3 months. How do
I teach those kids?
I have always had this dream of working in a place that allows me to meet a lot
of people, present my ideas and work creatively. It will be a
company where people can exploit their ideas – at the same time make plenty of
money out of it. There, they can come to work wearing whatever reflects their
individuality, you want to be fully covered or stark naked. It is really your
choice as long as the creative juice keeps on flowing ! My principle is that, people should be allowed to be creative and be themselves (despite the traditional-society-rule-of-conduct). I can’t imagine having to work according to rigid rules and
timing, I need to have my own time to reflect and produce innovative things. Through this job, well I would also be able to contribute back to society; I have several things in mind.
This job should allow me to indulge in art (of any form)
Does
any of this description reflect any kind of job? If you have anything in mind,
do let me know because I need to get my focus set. Currently, I am suffering
thinking that I need to conform to the expectation that has been laid on me – get
a master certificate overseas, continue on to PhD and become a lecturer with a
title attached at my name. Ta-daa! That’s what my family see me as in the
future. How I dread strict regulations! I can’t do the same things over
and over again or I will die of boredom. Deep inside, I celebrate the spirit of
constant change and improvement. Yes, I do find thrill in the unknown and the
curiosity that lies in uncertain futures.
I
started thinking more about this after I attended a concert, G
Dragon from Big Bang. I have always admired his spirit - being creative, expressive and passionate. Through his music I see risk is something
that needs to be taken frequently. It keeps you burning and alive! Then there
was TaeYang (he performed in between set) – I read his book that when he
started his career he was not so sure of becoming a singer or a rapper, he had doubts. However he held on to his 11-year-old-self-dream - to perform in huge domed stadiums. He took the chance and strive towards his dream of being
an international artist. Look where his is right now. Rocking each concert like he owns it.
That is the beauty in taking risk, good or bad you took the
bet of leaping to the other side. What is to regret?
All
that I know is to do well in my studies and take extra effort to make it no
less than the best. Maybe I should start researching on the best material,
prepare them earlier and test it out on my own brother (he is 17, and I will be
teaching kids of the same age).
I don’t care how much it will cost me to work
towards realising my dream – just maybe I will be my own boss? Hope is
something that holds you together; there is an outcome
that you can look forward to even if it is hazy like Kuala Lumpur in June.
Nobody
is sure but the finishing line is there, you just need to push the gate open
and don’t ever look back (at your doubts). I am scared, yes. Will this gamble
bring me big bucks or will I end up failing? Even so, I need to do this. Whatever happens, I have made the attempts
to change the course of my future. I have faith that God will guide me through.
Finals Guilt Trip
FINALS IS OVER!
The other night with a bunch of friends, I went out for a dinner - to a Korean Barbecue place called Seoul Garden. I've been there a lot during my foundation, we kinda love the open buffet-all-you-can-eat style ;
...that's exactly where the trouble started; I have totally forgotten about my mission!
Grilled meat, chicken, prawns, mushrooms (lots of these) noodles (beyond the suggested rule of palm) and to make it even worse I had 4 servings of dessert/sweet drink
1) 7 up
2) Mocha ( I refilled this twice)
3) Mocha vanilla ice cream float
4) Ice lemon tea+cincau+honeydew
My diet scheme went downhill and into the bottomless pit of shame
What have I done to myself?
I have been training hard to get fit and healthy
and this is how I betray myself..?
(source : Fitspoholic )
Some of my friends mock me with this question 'kau diet?' 'buat apa diet?'
If what you have in mind diet means cutting down food intake drastically
You have been listening to little fools talk (way too much)
By dieting I'm emphasizing on the healthier option of food with the right serving - suitable for the daily energy requirement. We have not been eating right all our lives, when are we going to make a move? Do something about it?!
The struggle is real. The situation above proves how so very tricky this process is. I must admit I am still in the 'fat and sugar rehab' - not quite sober.
I'm going to get back to my training tomorrow insyAllah.
[This post serves as a journal to my personal progress]
Date : 18/6/2013
Previous weight : 56.8 kg
Current weight : 54.2 kg
Target weight : 52 kg
BMI : 21.7
Body Fat Index (approx) : 32.2 %
Current waist to hip ratio : 0.74
Target Waist to hip ration : 0.7
Blood pressure : 122/ 89 mmHg
Pulse rate : 106 ppm
I need to focus on working out because I wish to join NikeFree (next year); to be able to run as for as long as I could... challenge myself a bit..and see where it would take me :)
missing it
INDIA
I WANT TO DWELL IN YOUR HEART AGAIN
I HAVE NOT VENTURED ENOUGH
I MISS YOU.
the cold weather
the shivering every night and day
the thick woollen coats
the roses that blooms , oh its sweet scent
the delicate clinking of the wind-charm
the old folks sitting by the park
the blaring of honks on highways
the haze and the mist
veils the valley like a bride
shy and hidden away by the smoke
when its almost unbearable
we sip garang chai
savour on succulent tomatoes
the warm mutton biryani
the refreshing vegetable soups
the beauty and art
intricate saris, shawls and pashminas
the beggars of streets
hanging by the roads peeing on the walls
numerous butts I have seen them all
you have charmed me
I want to visit you again. Please :(
3 Reasons To Travel While You're Young
Hello again! On this post is a note shared by my former high school teacher, Mr. Chau Meng Huat. He has always been an inspiration to me and much loved English teacher (he has travelled far and wide - Great Brit, Russia, Turkey, Japan, Belgium just to name a few). I have to let YOU read this and rethink your options for your future. We can live as what other people do but..really the decision is ours to make. Happy Reading :)
Thanks to my friend Ivan, here's a good piece I've just come across. Perhaps we all can learn something from it, by Jeff Goins:
3 Reasons to Travel While You’re Young
The other night, I had a conversation with a young woman who had a number of decisions ahead of her, one of which was whether she should go to grad school or travel the world. I told her to travel. Hands down. No excuses. Just go. The results are worth the costs.
She sighed.
========
“Yeah, but…”
Never were more fatal words spoken:
Yeah, but… what about debt?
Yeah, but… what about my job?
Yeah, but… what about my boyfriend (or dog or car or whatever)?
“Yeah, but…” is pernicious. Because it makes it sound like we have the best of intentions when really we are just too scared to do what we should. It allows us to be cowards, while sounding noble.
Most people I know who waited to travel the world never did. Conversely, plenty of people who waited for grad school or a steady job and traveled still did those things — eventually. Be careful of the yeah-but. The yeah-but will kill your dreams.
I was so stirred by this conversation that I shared it with a group of 30 young adults last night, many who were asking these very same questions.
==========
The life you’ve always wanted..
When you get older, life seems to just sort of happen to you. Your youth is a time of total empowerment. You get to do what you want.
But as you mature and gain new responsibilities, you have to be very intentional about making sure you don’t lose sight of what’s important.
So if you still have a reasonable amount of control over your circumstances, you should do what really matters. Because life won’t always be just about you.
During early adulthood, your worldview is still being formed. It’s important to steward this time — to give yourself opportunities to grow. A good way to do that is to travel.
So, young person, TRAVEL. Travel wide and far. Travel boldly. Travel with full abandon.
You will regret few risks you take when it comes to this. I promise you that. There are three reasons to travel while you’re young:
1. Traveling teaches you to live an adventure
When you look back on your life, you will have moments of which you are proud and maybe a few you regret. It’s likely that the following won’t be on the latter list:
Bicycled across the Golden Gate Bridge.
Appeared on Italian TV.
Hiked a Mayan ruin.
Learned Spanish in three months.
Toured Europe by train.
They’re not on mine (fun fact: I’ve done all of the above). So what, then, will be? What choices will you regret making? Holding back. Being afraid. Making excuses. Not taking more risks. Waiting.
While you’re young, you should travel. You should take the time to see the world and taste the fullness of life. It’s worth whatever investment or money or sacrifice of time that may be required on your part.
This is not about being a tourist. It’s about experiencing true risk and adventure so you don’t have to live in fear for the rest of your life.
2. Traveling helps you to encounter compassion
In your youth, you will make choices that will define you. The disciplines you begin now will be with you for the rest of your life.
Traveling will change you like little else can. It will put you in places that will force you to care for issues that are bigger than you.
If you go to southeast Asia, you may encounter the slave trade. If eastern Europe, you may see the effects of genocide and religious persecution. If Haiti, you’ll witness the the ugly side Western paternalism.
Your heart will break.
You will begin to understand that the world is both a big and small place. You will have a new-found respect for the pain and suffering that over half of the world takes for granted on a daily basis.
And you will feel more connected to your fellow human beings in a deep and lasting way. You will learn to care.
3. Traveling allows you to get some culture
While you’re still young, you should get cultured. Get to know the world and the magnificent people that fill it. There’s nothing quite like walking alongside the Colosseum or seeing Michelangelo’s David in person.
I can describe the city of San Juan and its amazing beaches and historic sites to you, but you really have to see it for yourself to experience it. You can read all the books in the world about the Great Wall of China or The Louvre, but being there is a different story.
The world is a stunning place, full of outstanding works of art. See it. Do this while you’re still young. Do not squander the time. You will never have it again.
You have a crucial opportunity to invest in the next season of your life now. Whatever you sow, you will eventually reap. Please. For your sake, do this. Because you won’t always be young. And life won’t always be just about you.
So travel. Experience the world for all it’s worth. Become a person of culture, adventure, and compassion.
================
“What if I’m not young?”
Travel, anyway. It may not be easy to do, but find a way to get out of your comfort zone. It’s really never too late.
But if you haven’t gotten sucked into the routine of life yet, I implore you — travel. It will never be easier than it is right now for you to do that which really matters.
Have you seen what the world has to offer and how it can change you?
Kak Bib Suri's Farewell Party
Fathiah, Liebe and me were having lunch when this idea came up; how it would be like after Kak Bib, our Ketua Blok leaves for she will be graduating next year. She was such a dear to all; being the first senior to welcome us into UPM..catering to our needs (welfare of the block and us her little sisters). We can't help but to at least appreciate her kindness by giving her a proper farewell party. After few weeks of planning, Alhamdulillah everything falls perfectly into place (of course with the help of the rest of Tuah sisters whom I care for so much - Yuppie, Yana, Why, Ain, Fatin, Qema, Naina, Kim )
Fathiah got this plan..well she persuaded Kak Bib to have a long walk with her to Bukit Ekspo and so Kak Bib has no idea what was in store for her that evening..surprise surprise!
Hue hue hue
We will miss you Kak Bib, hopefully you would cherish our moments together - with the whole Tuah family. Your presence has been so meaningful to us. May Allah bless you always now, in the future and the hereafter insyAllah :'D
Semoga berjumpa lagi.
DEPRESSION ka hang ni? mai sini sat
Dah lama buat ini, terasa nak kongsi.
Long story short, acrylic paper I habis sebelum sempat siapkan the remaining 7 steps.
dah selamat study semua :B
moh moh
yours truly,
Get FIT and FABOU
Recently I have started running again...
Yea, I decided to take control of my body..
Those flabby thighs, unwanted excess booty and bulging belly
it's time to get fit
Geared up with this baby
By far THE most comfortable trainers my feet have experienced
and it weighs in at 0.1 kg
light for running
I used to be ignorant and just eat what I want
But not anymore
getting healthy is not an option it is a choice
you make as an investment for your own benefit
It's your call!
this post serves as a reminder for me
cuz spirit do get worn out after some time
motivation is vital
so next time I'm still munching on nips or skittles
I shall regret it.
18 Days More!
Hello everyone!
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First and foremost, I want to express my gratitude to the Mighty Lord...
The response that I've gotten so far is amazing! Thank you so much for the support. From a small group of 5, we have opened up the quota up to 10-15 person.
However I'm sad to announce that the registration has been closed. As I have stated earlier, we would like to keep it personal and exclusive - Yes! this gathering is limited to few people at one time. If this goes well InsyaAllah we'll continue on to Street Yeats II which means more people gets to join in! :D including YOU
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18 days more
Sudah cari sajak belum?
Regards,
Maisarah
Whuut? You don't know what this is about?
Boleh lihat sini
Street Yeats
I'm doing it! yes Street Yeats is a go!
Aim : To expose Malaysian to written art (poems)
and for you to cross one of your TO-DO list
Mission : To reach out to the audience though poem recitation
Motive : Allow Malaysians to enjoy and
savour poems written by well renowned poets
Method :
1) Get into one team, minimum of 5
person.
2) Go to targeted place, for example KL
Sentral
3) Find a good spot – read the poem
4) The session should be over within half an hour
or so
Why should I join?
Because you love literature and art!
What should I do?
You may pick an English poem of your choice and bring it along with you
When is 'Street Yeats"?
It is going to be held on Friday evening at 4.30 p.m
on 21st June 2013
Who am I meeting on that day?
Maybe stormtroopers and chewbacca
(kidding, well new friends from other universities)
Is this project associated with any groups?
Yes, awesome group of people.
No, we are not associated to any organizations or what's not
;- independent poets
What's with the name ' Street Yeats'
It was inspired by an Irish Poet William Butler Yeats, we adopted his surname with the notion - poets, however unconventionally we are found by the streets.
Reading from Tennyson or weeping for Plath
I have never heard of this before - who are you people?
This is a pilot project, alive and kicking lab mouse.
you're about to be apart of something big..
How can I participate?
You can give your name to me through email
mfpetra2@gmail.com
OR
mention me on twitter
@msarahfadzil
(I prefer the second option)
Take note that the place is limited.
We like it personal *creep*
Have a great day ahead :D
èr shi Journal
Assalamualaikum!
Alhamdulillah, to Allah's blessing I'm still alive and that we meet again (here)
I HAVE COMPLETED MY SECOND YEAR!
Yes, yesterday was our final class (ended in quite a drama). The study week starts from 1st June up till 9th June 2013. To be frank, the time provided is very limited and a fixed time table is needed. My experience with time table began when I was in my second semester. I learnt my lesson during the previous finals; I did not plan my time wisely. Katanya live and let live (yeah right), as expected I flunk the test. Surely I regretted it a lot, ever since I allocate a specific time for studying - exclusively for study week. I'm sure some of us are struggling to find a way to make sure we are on track with our subjects therefore here's a suggestion from me. Hopefully it helps :)
Semester 4, (for the sake of future reference I'm going to be very honest about it) has been a tough ride. In comparison to semester 3, we had a very packed schedule. Classes on friday till 7 p.m who on earth would like that? I know I didn't. The lecturers was a big deal; they have different personalities and habits that we need to cater too. Some prefers a hands on learning thus our assessments consists of making videos (a whole lot of them) A short film, a family video, a poem recitation video and others. To a point shooting clips and editing has been part and parcel in our learning process. The positive side of it is that we now know how to make our own videos - for it was foreign to us previously. My group got help from Rizal Sadiman , I owe him the deal for teaching us the 101 to video making. Thank you so much rizal, for Allah can repay your deeds insyaAllah.
YEATS IN KUALA LUMPUR
For our Teaching of Language of Poems (subject) our lecturer took us out for some field trip. We went to KL Sentral and Putrajaya Wetland for inspiration. Never before I experienced writing outside of the classroom. It was a lot of fun and very refreshing to finally do the A. Samad Said (Click here to read the Poem ) Afterwards I think we should do poem recitation there or at Central Market; we should call it 'Street Yeats' or anything catchy, we'd read out certain scripts and inspire the passers-by - all for the love of art. *virtual high five if you agree with me*
My dearest coursemates, I'm just glad that we are growing closer each day. Toleration and adaptation is key, we can't change people to what we want them but what we can do is to accept them for who they are, we are human - we are prone to making mistakes here or there. In the worst situation, we should stay together and get a hold of ourselves instead of back biting each other. Firstly, it is not healthy..secondly is it worth to destroy years of friendship? I bet that's a gamble no one should take. Be forgiving, one will be at peace. Holding on to the past don't do anyone any good. Look at the bright side - we're durable bunnies, in hard times we persevere.
-
Again, in this semester I'll be in another production. I got one of the major roles among other five. All the best to the actor and actresses, we should work hard for this. Festival Teater Selangor is a different stage if compared to MAKUM or FESTIK competitions. I'll be in the studio again this Monday, YET I have not memorized my script. Tabur bunga atas pusara please =.='
Till we meet again!
*FINALS is around the corner. Study well and stay healthy :D
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