Nothing
is wrong in living ‘normally’; but what if you are born for the ‘extraordinary’?
When I
was a child, I was trained to be on stage. I was that kid who is always in
competitions wearing different colourful costumes. Growing up I was told to
work hard, to be the best and be successful. My mother was the biggest influence
– she was my mentor. By being in the spotlight, I believe that I will always
deserve a place where everyone would watch and admire me from afar. Indeed it
lived through teenage years, but not for long. Reality hit me when I entered a
prestigious science college, they say it’s where the ‘doctors engineers astronauts’
are born. Indeed most of my school mates did further their studies in those
expected pathway. It has been said and they are living it – no harm done. Back
then I did not shine as brightly as I used to, for the first time I was at the
bottom of the social chain. Language was not appreciated as highly as science
or mathematics subjects. Oh how I failed miserably in those, once I scored 6
out of 100%. I knew then that I don't belong in that nature. After receiving
disappointed look from my father’s eyes during SPM result, I had only one thing
in mind; I will further my studies in course that will keep me away from any
science subjects.
TESL
is not exactly something that I wanted the most, truth be told my choice were
limited as I was not exposed to other potential courses. Therefore I took up
foundation in this particular course in a local all Bumiputra university. It was easy being there; I did not receive much competition. It was a comfortable process since most of my allies were of
the same ‘work principle’ as mine; we went extra files to be recognized by the
lecturers. It paid off beautifully. At that moment I knew I was on the right
track by looking at my result. Sure, there was a minor hiccup when my personal
life started to mix with my study cocktail. Nevertheless it did not stop me
from striving even more to maintain my own standard of work. You must realise
that I am an Asian and it is normal that I take great pride in being the best.
Came
the day where I need to choose a university for my bachelor (undergraduate
studies). I remembered clearly that I told myself I need to quit being in an
all Bumiputra university; this can’t
continue on. I had my reasons and I strongly believe in it. The second forked
road I encountered; it was real than ever. Suddenly I don’t feel so sure anymore
that I want to continue in the same course. Contemplating and rethinking the decision
over and over again, I had to pick between English for Professional
Communication and TESL.
2
years has gone by, I’m still learning how to become a teacher. Funny thing is,
I am only good at learning it but not in practicing the theories. How is
teaching even done? I acquire my second language. What are the struggles of
learning it? Never was in my life that I
was trained to be proficient through grammar drills, I communicate my way to
learning English (my mother is a primary English Language teacher). I doubted
myself even more now that sooner or later I need to teach for 3 months. How do
I teach those kids?
I have always had this dream of working in a place that allows me to meet a lot
of people, present my ideas and work creatively. It will be a
company where people can exploit their ideas – at the same time make plenty of
money out of it. There, they can come to work wearing whatever reflects their
individuality, you want to be fully covered or stark naked. It is really your
choice as long as the creative juice keeps on flowing ! My principle is that, people should be allowed to be creative and be themselves (despite the traditional-society-rule-of-conduct). I can’t imagine having to work according to rigid rules and
timing, I need to have my own time to reflect and produce innovative things. Through this job, well I would also be able to contribute back to society; I have several things in mind.
This job should allow me to indulge in art (of any form)
Does
any of this description reflect any kind of job? If you have anything in mind,
do let me know because I need to get my focus set. Currently, I am suffering
thinking that I need to conform to the expectation that has been laid on me – get
a master certificate overseas, continue on to PhD and become a lecturer with a
title attached at my name. Ta-daa! That’s what my family see me as in the
future. How I dread strict regulations! I can’t do the same things over
and over again or I will die of boredom. Deep inside, I celebrate the spirit of
constant change and improvement. Yes, I do find thrill in the unknown and the
curiosity that lies in uncertain futures.
I
started thinking more about this after I attended a concert, G
Dragon from Big Bang. I have always admired his spirit - being creative, expressive and passionate. Through his music I see risk is something
that needs to be taken frequently. It keeps you burning and alive! Then there
was TaeYang (he performed in between set) – I read his book that when he
started his career he was not so sure of becoming a singer or a rapper, he had doubts. However he held on to his 11-year-old-self-dream - to perform in huge domed stadiums. He took the chance and strive towards his dream of being
an international artist. Look where his is right now. Rocking each concert like he owns it.
That is the beauty in taking risk, good or bad you took the
bet of leaping to the other side. What is to regret?
All
that I know is to do well in my studies and take extra effort to make it no
less than the best. Maybe I should start researching on the best material,
prepare them earlier and test it out on my own brother (he is 17, and I will be
teaching kids of the same age).
I don’t care how much it will cost me to work
towards realising my dream – just maybe I will be my own boss? Hope is
something that holds you together; there is an outcome
that you can look forward to even if it is hazy like Kuala Lumpur in June.
Nobody
is sure but the finishing line is there, you just need to push the gate open
and don’t ever look back (at your doubts). I am scared, yes. Will this gamble
bring me big bucks or will I end up failing? Even so, I need to do this. Whatever happens, I have made the attempts
to change the course of my future. I have faith that God will guide me through.
